Getting my goat...(s)

We have always adhered to the "love thy neighbors as thyself" way of life. And thankfully so, because as this new challenge had presented itself, I was able to call upon the advice of one such neighbor who just so happened to be a retired state judge. He was just as shocked as I was to learn about the rezone and even more so that you had to be zoned to keep bees. I explained that while I knew I could just "quietly" keep the animals and that it wasn't likely anyone would say anything especially because, as it turned out, more than half the neighborhood was "in the same boat". I didn't want to be in the wrong, and not complying with the law. He was more than happy to oblige me and sent me off in the direction I needed to go saddled with a handful of names and phone numbers. And with that I got in the car and away I went. 45 minutes later, I was sat in the modest waiting area of the County department for planning and zoning waiting patiently to speak with "Mary".

A kind woman welcomed me to her cubicle and we began. I decided not to mention the bees as of yet, but instead focus on the goats. Upon listening to my predicament, and then reviewing the laws as stated, one thing became apparent. We were not going to get rezoned. She read for me verbatim from a freshly printed piece of paper, that to be rezoned for agricultural use, we needed to be on at LEAST 2.5 acres of land or back up to unfenced conservation property in order for the animals to graze. Her eyes then left the paper and met mine. "So, I'm sorry," she said. "You just can't keep goats." Then suddenly a smile erupted on her face as she excitedly added, "BUT, you CAN keep horses!"HOLD ON A MINUTE. What? You are telling me that on 1.25 acres of land I can keep an extremely large and hungry HORSE but NOT a Nigerian DWARF goat? She then informed me that I could not only keep A horse, but 4. Legally, on my small parcel of land I was allotted the right to house FOUR massive horses. My mind raced. For a brief moment, I entertained the thought of having magically discovered a new subclass of creature called the "Nigerian Dwarf horse" and then I toyed with the idea of just going ahead and getting the maximum number of horses allowed to me and making sure to pile their equally massive droppings in the very same corner of the yard that the bees had briefly once called home. However, that did not coincide with the, "love thy neighbor" mentality that I was accustomed to practicing.

This horse law had been addended after the fact. Obviously. Anyone else think it's a strange coincidence that you can keep a horse, thats's twice the size of any other hoofed animal, but that can't provide food or milk and not ones that can? So, I asked how one might addend to include goats. The lady's jovial expression quickly faded to a thin lipped frown which suggested that their might be a lot of paperwork needed from her end for that to happen. But I wasn't backing down. Sorry trees. She explained the process in great detail, how it would need to be brought before a board etc. And then, somewhat begrudgingly handed me the name and number of her "supervisor" whom I would need to get in contact with in order to start this very long, very paperwork ridden sordid ordeal. I thanked her and walked out of the office already punching the numbers into my phone and before the door even swung shut I had already hit "call."

Voicemail. Of course. I left a message, and then made use of the email address I had also been given. With that being all I could do for now. I drove home, and began looking over the laws pertaining to our current zoning restrictions. And one such law immediately leapt off the page and smacked me in the face. It stated, that one COULD keep farm animals on less than 2.5 acres IF, the animals were necessary to alleviate a "medical hardship". And in order to do so, one would need only to obtain written expression from a medical doctor licensed in the state as to why said animal(s) were needed. And then to disclose the number and type of farm animals being kept on site. It was like the heavens opened up and I SWEAR I could faintly hear the "hallelujah chorus" playing somewhere in the background. I called another neighbor, who graciously agreed to allow me to place my bees on their "AU" zoned un-pesticided farm land which just so happens to very legally be directly across the street from that other neighbor's driveway.

With that being done, I was now free to focus my efforts on my goats, and more importantly the documentation of the "medical hardship" that they were beautifully helping to alleviate (at least while we were working on the law)....